Transforming Triggers: How a Ladder Changed My Approach to Healing
The Little Ladder: A Transformative Journey to Understanding and Regulating Emotional Triggers
It was my first session with my hypnotherapist, when she placed a small, dollhouse-sized wooden ladder before me—a simple yet profound object that completely changed my understanding of my emotional triggers and set the foundation for my journey to regulate my nervous system. This simple object became a powerful metaphor; it was a powerful symbol that opened my eyes to the reactive cycles that had kept me trapped in patterns of intense emotional overwhelm. Looking back, I’m amazed at how unaware I was of my reactivity, and how many situations would trigger intense, automatic responses in me, keeping me stuck.
A Metaphorical Representation for Understanding Our Nervous System
Imagine a ladder. At the top is a place of calm and safety—our “ventral vagal” state—where we feel connected, secure, and open to life. At the bottom is the collapsed state, the “dorsal vagal,” where everything feels bleak, lonely, and overwhelming. Somewhere in the middle, we experience “fight-or-flight,” where the world feels hostile, unpredictable, and threatening. This ladder serves as a representation for our autonomic nervous system, which governs our heart rate and stress responses—functions that run automatically, shaped by the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches. When we encounter stress, the sympathetic branch triggers our fight-or-flight response, while the parasympathetic brings us back to a calmer, restorative state.
A Breakthrough in Understanding My Emotional Triggers
Holding this little ladder was a revelation. I finally saw a tangible representation of how my nervous system was responding to triggers in ways that kept me in a state of hyper-reactivity, preventing me from seeing a way forward. I realized that certain situations—especially those related to feelings such as abandonment—would set off intense, visceral reactions. For instance, if I felt someone I cared about was pulling away, I would fall into anxiety and act impulsively to keep them close, then later feel drained and fearful of it happening again. This fear wasn’t just about the immediate situation; it was rooted in a long-standing belief that I wasn’t “good enough” to be loved.
Rewiring Reactivity: Embracing Growth, Resilience, and Empowering Relationships
This ladder metaphor helped me step back and identify where these reactions were coming from. Instead of getting caught in the cycle of reactivity, I learned to pause, observe, and respond with compassion and self-respect. I gained a concrete tool to help me understand where I was on my own “ladder” of well-being and where I was heading on each rung. It allowed me to see when I was stuck in the middle, caught in reactivity or fight-or-flight mode, or at the bottom, feeling depleted or depressed. I could also recognize when I was moving toward stability and a sense of safety. This tool helped me identify the specific triggers and moments that caused shifts on my ladder, showing me the different responses these brought to my body. This shift helped me acknowledge my emotions without letting them control me, and allowed me to rewire my responses through gentle self-awareness. Now, when I encounter triggering situations, I use tools to interrupt old patterns, create new neural pathways, and see challenges as opportunities to grow. Through this process, I’ve learned to stand firmly in my worth and to attract relationships that genuinely support my journey. This transformation has given me a way to connect with myself deeply and live with resilience, inviting others to experience this same sense of healing and empowerment.
Tools for Navigating the Fight-or-Flight Zone
When we find ourselves in the middle of the ladder, in that fight-or-flight zone, it’s common to feel a brief moment of reactivity. But the good news is, we can use specific tools to help us catch these reactions sooner, so we don’t feel immobilized. Instead, we can regain a sense of safety and take clear, calm action—or choose not to react at all.
One powerful tool to help reset the nervous system is a breathing technique that activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of our body responsible for calming us down. This technique is called the "7-11" breath. Here’s how it works:
Breathe in for a count of 7.
Hold for 2 counts.
Breathe out slowly for a count of 11, and hold for 2 counts.
The key is to make the out-breath longer, just like the big sigh of relief we naturally exhale after a moment of intense reaction. By consciously extending the out-breath, we can avoid the emotional "meltdown" and instead bring ourselves back to a calm state.
If breathing in for 7 feels too long, you can start with a slightly shorter version—breathe in for 5, hold for 2, breathe out for 7, and hold for 2. Repeat this cycle until you begin to feel a sense of calm and regulation.
By incorporating this technique, you can build resilience, respond with clarity, and navigate life's challenges with greater ease.
Cultivating Flexibility: Navigating Life’s Challenges with Resilience and Growth
The goal is to become more flexible on the ladder. These stabilization tools such as the breathing technique, can allows us to become flexible on the ladder and face triggers with resilience, navigating the inevitable challenges life places on our path. Even if a trigger initially makes us reactive, we become adept at moving up and down the rungs, grounding ourselves back into safety and control. Life naturally presents us with difficult circumstances meant to spur our growth, and though these moments may initially elicit a reactive response, we learn to move smoothly between the rungs of the ladder, grounding ourselves back in safety and control. The key is cultivating this flexibility so we can catch ourselves sooner, interrupting cycles that might have once kept us stuck. Instead of defaulting to old patterns that no longer serve us, we gain the ability to approach challenges with a growth mindset, finding opportunity within the darkness. This shift changes our narrative, allowing us to transform difficult situations into powerful moments of light, resilience, and growth.
Have a question or concern? Email me at coachtaradesouza@gmail.com